Otakon 2007 itself.
Dramatis Personae:
- Zack: Whose main goal was to find a KOS-MOS and verily stick it in her pooper.
- Dias: Who lieks teh wimmins.
- Terpsie: The Otakon veteran who dragged Zack and Dias to this in the first place
- Suze: Terpsie's friend, AKA Orange-Haired Girl
Our epic quest began on Thursday when the three of us
meandered down to Baltimore to meet for the first
time. Having stayed up all night previous to finish
their costumes, Terpsie and Suze were not completely
there but were still able to enjoy facets of the trip,
including an aquarium full
of floating cubes and a hotdog vending
machine that blew Terpsie's mind by its very
nastiness.
Dias' trip was uneventful, but he claimed to have
heard the sound of snakes and felt something large
slithering along his pants. It was pointed out that
this could've been his cock, to which he agreed. The
three met up and went for sushi, which would've been
best without Zack given the high percentage of black
people in Baltimore and his previous comments
involving
came late due to weather but he was still able to
capture the Grand Canyon on the
way over.
Friday morning began with Zack waiting in the hugeass
pre-reg line in his Mikami Teru
costume (note how he's writing George W. Bush in his
DN) while Terpsie showed up in a bastardized Okami costume
with Suze as Waka (not shown) and Dias in his
live-action adaptation of Hellsing's Alucard (straight
from the dungeon, oh yes).
Woohoo!
Woohoo!
Much meandering
through the crowds ensued, with the 22,000 people and
the bad ventilation making us sweat in our leather,
suits and kimonos. The Dealer's room as usual was huge
and full of win (the Bandai exhibit was Hellsing
Ultimate-themed and came with a huge Alucard
chair), as was Artist's
Alley. Breaks were spent not eating and trying
every variety of Ramune we could find (Ramune is a
popular brand of Japanese pop that was sold for
$3/bottle at the con. For about 15 minutes we sat
there going "How the FUCK do we open this", as it's
sealed with a marble blocking the opening, which must
be pushed out of the way with the plastic applicator
that comes with the bottle. To commemorate our
confusion and our eventual victory over the accursed
Ramune bottles, Terpsie bought a shirt which
has instructions on how to open the bottles on the
back.
Zack found a KOS-MOS print in Artist's Alley, and
spent his time looking greedily at the print despite
the fact that he was surrounded by wimmins in skimpy
anime costumes. To his dismay, attempts to find a
KOS-MOS cosplayer failed on Friday.
Following a dinner of Chinese takeout and quite a few
pina coladas, the rave was attended and much jumping
around ensued, and all four of us went back to
Suse/Terpsie's hella-big hotel room to watch DVDs on a
portable DVD player. While Zack and Dias' room was at
a Motel 6 located at a 20-minute drive away from the
convention center, they would not sleep in that room
again for the duration of the con.
Terp: *sprawled on the couch* ...buh?
Dias: You're awake.
Terp: It's... 8 in the morning.
..........where's Zack? Did he go back to Motel 6?
...his jacket and tie are still here.
Dias: ...his shoes are still here. He... he
didn't leave.
Terp: *eyes slowly widen and she runs to the
bedroom, poking her head in to find Suze in the large
bed with Zack next to her, albeit pushed to the far
other side, separated by a large amount of space and
several layers of sheets*
Dias: ...What?
Terp: *slowly puts a hand over her mouth and
runs*
Zack: Hey Terpsie... do you think it would be
okay if I hit on Suze?
Terp: No. She will break you.
Zack: Ah, okay. I think she's cool though, and
nice for offering up the bed like that.
Terp: She will break you.
Saturday, we spent more time shopping, walking, and
crashing in the garden to
chill (note the Sailor Neptune in the background is in
fact a man). Terpsie also ran around
hugging various things. While
shopping, Dias and Terpsie took a break to head to
Barnes and Noble:
Artist on the corner: Hey, how're you?
Terp & Dias: We're good.
Artist: We're a group of artists who live up in
the mountains, making art and protesting all of the
commercial and political crap that's poisoning our
society, y'know? Like our world today is so full of
crap like commercialism and all that, and we totally
need to change it all, y'know?
Dias: I hear ya man.
Artist: Like we totally have this magazine, and
here's some of our prints that we make-
Terp: Oooh.
Artist: And we have these shirts that say "Stop
bitching, and start a Revolution" because we totally
need to act now, y'know? And start changing things and
getting rid of all this commercial and political shit.
Terp: Aah.
Artist: You think you wanna buy some of our
prints or our magazines or maybe our t-shirts?
Terp: I'm sorry, I have no change on me.
Dias: Starving student, man.
Artist: That's cool, that's cool, you have a
good day.
(Dias and Terpsie walk to Barnes and Noble, and blow
their change on Starbucks. They take a taxi back to
the convention center to avoid getting beaten by the
hippies.)
Terp: *seeing a manga button on the ground*
Hey, a button.
Otaku walking by: YOU FOUND SOMETHING!
Terp and Dias: (Zelda item music) DA DA DA
DAAAAAAAAA!
(........they stare at each other, horrified)
All four of us waited in the 4chan panel line (not so
much a line as it is an amorphous blob
of people screaming memes, drawing penises and baby
raep in DS pictochat, and Sieg Heil-ing Seaking. The lineup
MADE the experience. Although the panel had the
occurrence of "internet weddings" by the 4chan priest,
the panel still sucked.
Zack: Y'know, when I get married, I want the
guy marrying my wife and I to be like "I now pronounce
you Trap and Faggot" like in the 4chan panel.
Terp: ....would you be the trap or would you be
the faggot?
Dias: He'd be the faggot.
Terp: He did have boobs for awhile though.
Dias: I'm going to go throw up now.
Saturday afternoon, having a strong hankering for
booze, the four of us made a trek to find a liquor
store downtown. Our quest led us to a seedy small
liquor store in the middle of the westside ghetto.
This is while fully equipped in our newly-acquired Weeaboo
faggottree,
which may not have been the best idea.
Scary Black Man with Crooked Teeth: *wanders up
to Zack* MAN nigga I gotta ASK you, where the FUCK
y'all get that shirt?!
Zack: (in Dias' shirt that has a nintendo
cartridge on the front and the caption "BLOW ME"
underneath) Oh, it's from an anime convention just
downtown at the convention center. ^_^
Dias: (noticing the crazy man has a piece on
him) O__O
Scary Man: EY YO AH GOT THIS JOKE, WHY DON'T
MR. CLEAN DON'T HAVE ANY BABIES? ....CUZ HE COMES IN A
BOTTLE!
Suse and Terp: *start walking away really
quickly*
But, we made an important discovery: that of Smirnoff
green tea. Dias cut himself trying to open one
of them but the truly important thing is, you can't taste
the alcohol in these.
Partying,
spiked-tea chugging and DVDing ensued, and once again
the guys passed out in Terp/Suse's room. Again, all
attempts by Zack to find KOS-MOS had failed.
Suze: Man, I'm hungry.
Terp: Let's get some pizza.
Zack: Oh I don't know, I like pizza, but it
gives me heartburn.
Terp: (inner voice) Maybe we
should go get some bagels. ....*SLAPS
HERSELF* I'M GOING TO HELL.
Sunday, being the casual last day, had us making one
last trip to the Dealer's Room. It was on that day
that Zack had his most glorious moment of the con: He
not only found KOS-MOS, he also found Shion with her.
He was ejaculating
in his pants at the moment this was taken.
While the con ended at three, we left early to engage
in some sightseeing. We went back to the Chinese place for
lunch. We wanted to go to the aquarium plus dolphin
show but it was hella expensive ($24 per person?
Madness! Sparta!) so we ran to the science center just
in time for the 3D Imax about dinosaurs. Afterwards we
wandered through downtown Baltimore, with perfect
weather, sun and a breeze, people milling about, Ben &
Jerry's in hand and bands playing music in the
background. Despite the westside ghetto, the scary
people, the honking and bad traffic even at 2am, and
the foul-smelling smoke that emanated from the sewer
manholes every night, Baltimore is actually a pretty nice place to hang out.
More pizza and booze later, Zack departed to catch his
flight back home at 3am. By the end of the con, Suze
and Terpsie's hotel room was a goddamn mess.
We were exhausted and
practically on the verge of insanity.
Dias was still a
perv though.
We all parted ways Monday morning, with Suze and
Terpsie flying off at noon and Dias left back at the
Motel 6 until his flight later that evening. More
exhaustion upon our return. Terpsie glorified in
finding a Tim Hortons
back at the Toronto airport because there aren't any
real Timmies in that newfangled America. Zack noticed
oddly enough that while he was transferring at the
Dallas airport, absolutely nobody had a Texan
accent. Dias slept for the first time in days.
Cosplay:
Jesus
(There was an Arby's Jesus too, but I didn't get a
photo)
Invader
Zim
Command?
The Bawls
Knights had an epic battle with the Mountain Dew
knights
Initial
D
Dread
Pirate Roberts
ZOMG BABY
NARUTO
Elite Beat
Agents (Suze freaked out when she saw him)
Note:
Seras Victoria is a man
Clover
Yatta!
THIS! IS!
CAKETOWN!
DOMOOO!
HAADO GAI DEEEESU! O-KAAAAAY!
Multi-Okami Epic Battel: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4
Freaking
out traffic
Princess
Ruto
These guys
were pretty badass
Dias
came
Hexadecimal
Stabbity
goodness
Lawl
Deadpool!
The
infamous tentacle: Bleach mode
Soundwave
Dark
Link
Epic
battle!
Don't let
any of the WoW people see this
Censored
From
Persona, I believe
Holy shit
somebody actually dressed like this
They did a
better job of doing Cromartie than the actual
live-action movie
Ken and
Ryu had a fight in the middle of the con with special
moves and everything but note the guy in the
yellow sweatshirt with PEDO in big honking letters
(Krelian man, you should've told us!)
INTARNETS:
So i herd
u liek..
O_O
NEDM
Is that
baby for sale?
The Potter
Puppet Pals
These
guys walked around with "If You Think I'm Sexy"
playing in the background, that is until Seaking
busted his horn walking through the front door. Suave,
guys.
....So, who's up for '09? :D :D
Like I said, the best time of my life. Dias and Terpsie are two of my best internet friends ever. After hanging out with them in person, I feel that they're two of my best real life friends too. I wish I could hang out with them on a regular basis. Oh well, at least I can always talk to them through the internet. And I will be going back in '09, so I will see them again then.

